Permanent Guilt

Here I am after a very important milestone achieved by our team (Interlinking of our company's siding with the Indian Railway System). It took about 30-70 Railway officials and more than 100 labourers working 8 hr shifts for 04 days continously. A culmination of one and a half years of hard work, it was both physically and technically challenging.

But I am not here to write anything about the work.

We were only 04-05 of us from the company, the rest were Railway Officials and Contract labourers. We were coordinating the affair between the two. The Contractor staff was mostly running around appeasing the officials and shouting at the labourers. The staff and labourers at the lower levels were straining themselves mentally and physically. We were taking the stress to coordinate the whole process.

I was additionally responsible for controlling the administration during these 04 days and nights. And during this time, I experienced some very paradoxical emotions. As I stood on the tracks, with my sunglasses on, under the tent, to save myself from the hot sun and was being offered some nice cold thums up in a glass, I watched the 20 odd labourers heaving a laid railway track into position with crowbars and looking at me. I heard their parched and thirsty lips and dry throats screaming. I felt the pang of guilt within me but still shamelessly managed to gulp down the drink in hand. I sat down and pondered. I was being paid a six figure salary and privileges to coordinate the whole process and the laboruer in front of me were being paid Rs 100 per day for back breaking labour. I felt miserable. I thought a bit more. The Railway officers who had come on duty and were drawing TA/DA and all were shamelessly demanding privileges and the same was being provided to them. All they were doing was a bit of supervision and checking. I know the work was a bit technical but not that much. And the labourers were grunting and sweating and continuing the rigours of moving the rail tracks, welding the track joints and replacing the heavy concrete sleepers from under the tracks with new ones.

The point I am trying to understand here is that if what we are doing deserves the kind of money we are getting. Or more importantly, are the people doing back breaking labour getting what they deserve? I went on to think and justify my salary but somehow I couldn't. I tried but failed to justify that the labourers did not have brains and that is why they got paid less. I thought about farmers and middlemen and industrialists. I thought about the Army and its work. I thought about the Bureaucrats and the Police. Then I thought about Politicians. I went into the rigmaroll of emotions and thought that maybe it is all to do with destiny, kismet and luck.

Not convincing enough...in fact I thought deeply and I felt that I had it in me that I could just leave everything and settle down with just a pair of clothes and a roof on my head and work for people who needed help. Well...maybe later. Right now I have to take care of my family and my future. There...I am not as selfless as I thought I am. So I spoke to my better half. She told me that it was ok to have such feelings and that I was nice enough to think like this. She told me that people are much more selfish. They don't even think about others. I then thought of my problems and compared myself with those higher than me in the food chain. But what about the basic needs not being fulfilled for many ?? Something basic for someone can be luxury for another and vice-versa. Well...I think I am not going anywhere. The thirst for reasons shall never die, the search for logic will never end and I try to ask myself all the time -- Does theory of relativity apply everywhere??

Since I could not reach any logical conclusion nor I see any in sight, I carry in my heart a conscious guilt. The images of the dry and chaffed lips and dirty faces makes me stay grounded and humble. All I can say is that I think about others and try to do whatever little I can.

I shall keep doing that.

"SOLDIERS Vs BABUS"

I registered with eblogger a long time ago, end of 2006. But I haven't been able to post any blogs till now. The reasons are many. I felt that the some blogs were not good enough, some I felt were too self-indulgent and yet others I found useless. But since Sahana, my better half, has started blogging, I felt that I should too. So here comes my first :: My views on


I may come across as a very angry person. Well, I think I am when it comes to issues like these. Even though I am out of the Army now, I feel for the soldier from the depth of my heart. I cannot forget the unwavering dedication and unquestioned faith of the uniformed to get the work at hand done. Whether it is to brave the icy cold winds of Siachen at (-)40 deg Celsius or the scorching sun at (+)50 deg Celsius in Rajasthan, whether it is fighting the anti-nationals or saving our own from own rioters, or be it earthquakes or floods, you find the soldier omnipresent. There are no working hours for the Armed Forces in a situation and they are trained never to ask for their rights. They only know their duty - AND THEY DO IT!

BUT, why are we ungrateful when it comes to giving them their due? Is it not our duty to compensate them in the best way we can? Or we only shed our crocodile tears when bullet ridden bodies of the brave come down from Kargil and Drass. Temporary patriotism and selective amnesia can only describe our reaction as a whole. Donations and campaigns start when soldiers die. I say give them some dignity when they are alive too. They are not asking for the moon. They are only saying “Please don’t slight our contribution, just give us enough to take care of our families”.

The Indian bureaucracy and political class decide how much a soldier’s life & death is worth. No Representation from the Armed Forces will be allowed. The Babus seem to be ruling the roost because of a faulty system handed over to us by the British which they have not only consolidated but made worse. The Armed forces, who have been offering sacrifices for the motherland every time the need arises, will live and die AT THE MERCY of these babus.

How many times have you heard this statement on TV – CIVIL ADMINISTRATION FAILS!!
The BABUS are the ELITE ADMINISTRATORS, the BEST and YET every time there is a crisis, the CIVIL ADMINISTRATION FAILS/FALLS almost flat on its face, and the ARMY is called in. Every time the mobs run riot & the BABU is helpless, the ARMY steps in and peace is restored. Every time there is a an earthquake, the civil administration with its massive manpower, heavy equipment FAILS, the ARMY steps in with its LIMITED manpower & equipment and does wonders. Every time a prince/princess falls into a 50 feet hole, the ARMY bails out the civil administration.

BUT – ever heard of any BABU taken to task for these failures except maybe an occasional transfer and that too if there is immense pressure from the media etc. The apathy towards public and lack of determination to refuse illegal demands of their political bosses can be seen around us even by the blind.

SO – what kind of a society are we living in where failure & inefficiency is rewarded & discipline, honesty, efficiency & patriotism is taken for granted.

A big WHY for you to ponder and answer,

WHY should the BABU, in spite of the failures, get better pay, perks & promotions and the not the SOLDIER, in spite of an excellent track record? WHY the BABU should sit in an AC cabin all his life, roam around in cars with red-lights, live in a palatial bungalow till 60 yrs and then become members of every single committee of this country and fly around with honorarium??? WHY the Soldier should face bullets and risks his life day in and day out to do what he vowed to do BUT the Babu not even risk a transfer to do the right thing they were trained to do???

And why should the person who spends all his youth in inhospitable terrains, fighting militants, protecting totally barren glaciers, scorching deserts so the sovereignty the motherland is intact, not get compensated enough? Why the one who will take bullets onto himself, so that you can safely watch TV at home in peace, not get a promotion and a decent pay? Why the one who meets his parents, his wife and children only twice a year (at the most) for at least 15 yrs in his service not be compensated for the separation?

Is it because he chose to join the profession of arms (as many put across without any sensibility), or because he donned the uniform, he is "bali ka bakra" or just because he wanted to serve the country, he is doomed.

This issue of compensation needs to be addressed urgently and with utmost sensitivity. We are already short of thousands of personnel in our Armed Forces and the best of the people are quitting. It is not a good sign if at all we are aiming to become an economic superpower. We need to respect the organisations which are responsible for holding this country together and give them their due. History bears witness to the fact that a strong and motivated military is a must for a strong and powerful nation. I hope and pray that good sense prevails and we give our soldiers the compensation they deserve.